what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
