You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
