remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
