Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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