Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
