no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
