i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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