Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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