You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
