You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize