Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
