Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
