You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
