it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
is it fun? or sober?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize