As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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