Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
