Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
