One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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