I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
