Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize