Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
