another moral hangover. fuck.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize