I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
