peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
