I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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