I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
