We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
