I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
