drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize