so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
