OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
