i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
