come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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