Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
