there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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