you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
