Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
