I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
