Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
