just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
