does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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