i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I stole a fireplace last night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
