So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
