It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
