I hate your face
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
