I want to have your abortion
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
