you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
