I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
