i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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