sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
