So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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