Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
