I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
