mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize