I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize