i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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