I accidentally burped into my bong.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
