There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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