i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
