I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
All the doctor said was why
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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