What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
