so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize