i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
this just has baby written all over it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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