so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
