I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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