Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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