Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
