You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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