She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Oh god it's open bar.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
