Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
