I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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