I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
