all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
