Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
