I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
