He asked to "fluff my boner.."
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Randomize
